My two brothers and I inherited the small family business when our parents died. We have similar views on the future and get along (most of the time!). I am a corporate manager and I am responsible for all details. I pay bills, manage taxes, invoices, payroll, and more. I arrange maintenance, receive offers, etc. No decision is made without the participation of all three couples. All costs are shared between the three owners. My brothers don't complain about the way I work. I think I'm grateful that I don't have to worry about small things. Since they are both very busy with other business, they are somewhat careless with the day-to-day details of the business. My problem is that my sisters-in-law seem to think they have the right to participate in management. They criticize almost every decision I make. They don't like the chairs I chose for the lobby. They believe that all office furniture should be the same. The paint color on the walls is too light. The lamp is aging and needs to be replaced. They want to sell the business and use the money to either move it or reinvest it in a new business. The brothers do not agree with their proposals, but seem either extremely passive or afraid of confrontation.
It occurred to me lately that if I were more tolerant of her, she might not be so critical. I asked both wives if they would like to take responsibility for selecting the new carpet for the lobby, and gave them full control over their decision. At first they were all inside. They researched colors and patterns, fabrics and prices. Samples were taken and tested in space.
However, the plan was completely abandoned. It's been two months and I still haven't made a decision. Installation is tentatively scheduled for the near future. I have asked several times what decision they made (because I have to pay with business funds). One daughter-in-law said, "I can't do it now because I'm on a trip." I asked the other sister-in-law to make the decision (because she cooperated). Not only did she not answer me, she didn't even acknowledge that I had asked. Doesn't respond to emails, calls or texts.
I don't know what to do. This plan was iterated on for years (reviewing the basic contract took two years and complained about attorney fees). If I choose carpet they will accuse me of being a control freak and impatient. If you wait for them to make their decision, you will most likely miss the installation period. Over the years I have tried humor, pleading, questioning, silence, reasoning, and irritation. Nothing seems to make them happy.
I know it's not carpet, but I'm baffled as to how to run a family business with people who are family but not direct owners.
Running a business where every decision needs to be signed by 6 people is very difficult. If all six of these people are responsive and agree on priorities, it will be possible. And what about the situation where 2 out of 6 are missing? You will be exactly where you are. But first, it is not clear to me whether you are the owner of your brother's wife or not. If the wives are owners, maybe it`s time to tell everyone that the current set-up isn`t working for you, the person who is doing most of the work, and you can`t do the day-to-day running of the business on your own while answering to this many people.
And if your brothers` wives aren`t owners — which I think is the case from some of the details in your letter — it`s even more time to tell your brothers that this isn`t working and you can`t run the business on your own and answer to this many people.
This is probably less a work problem and more of a family problem: your brothers either actively support this specific type of involvement from their wives, or they don`t but haven`t been willing to set boundaries to stop it. But it`s possible that they would be willing to set boundaries if you`re assertive about insisting it`s necessary. So far, it sounds like you haven`t really asked them to — the contrary, you`ve gone out of your way to include your sisters-in-law — and initiating a clear “this needs to change” conversation might, in fact, result in change.
You can use the carpet fiasco as your point of entry to the conversation — explaining what happened there and that you`ve tried to be accommodating, it`s causing problems for the business, and you know from experience that it`s a lose-lose situation for you where you`ll either be accused of being a control freak (after waiting X months!) or you`ll miss the window for installation. You can`t do it anymore, and you won`t do it anymore, so the owners as a group need to come up with a solution. Maybe that solution is that in the future if their wives want input into something, they have X days to provide it or then you move on without them. Or maybe you decide the business is at a point where you can`t accommodate non-owner/non-employee input at all (perhaps with an exception carved out for very high-level decisions that only come up rarely, if that makes everyone more comfortable and gets you to an agreement you couldn`t otherwise reach).
But assuming your sisters-in-law aren`t owners, their feelings about this need to be much more your brothers` problem to solve than yours. I'm not saying you have to wash your hands to take care of yourself. I hate to say it, but the reality is that your family dynamic can mean you have to be a bit open to hearing them out. Your siblings need to actively manage these issues. Mechanics, not you.